This is how depression looks like: You might feel a different color, another form, a bigger size, it is still there. It is declared as an unusual destiny, which is also terrifying, it is able to kill, its unknownness is the main character, just like death.
We are all confused about parts of our lives we cannot explain or understand. And although almost everything is natural or an expected consequence in life of human being, there still is not one sentenced definition about depression.
That is ridiculous, too short or unrealistic?
In the picture you can see the depression: next to healthy looking organs it has taken place and has much more power so that the fall happens rapidly. Many questions appear, sometimes too fast, sometimes too confusing: how does it work, where does it come from, how can it kill me almost daily and especially: What it is?
Is it a coincidence, a suppression, a friend, a signal, a demon, a criminal or a spiritual sovereign?
A depression’s mightiness can control our lives: We are slaves who react, are afraid, cry and shake the way it wants us to. Trying to explain those changes to unexperienced people who never felt the brunt and its devastating disaster is non-worthwhile due to all the mystery images that buzz around.
But do we know this illness?
Past and present are being compared, we sacrifice time to see the differences between old and new life. What did we do wrong to damage our bodies, our souls and our existences? A punishment rules our world, the delivery was just missing. So the door is open to speculate endless times about the course of events that sends a logical view. Who is guilty? Who’s fault is this?
Persons who we know, who we love and who we trust are being questioned. They all liked the miserable pain our faces show most of the time, didn’t they? We cannot be wrong. Even the demons crashing into our brain when we were not expecting terror at all looked like all of those people we used to love. So does it help? Is it legit to throw out persons we gifted our trust?
The picture shows you a depression that stands there silently and is being aware of everything. So it is implausible that a former friend is inside of that figure. How could they know the tiniest detail of our soul? We ourselves rolled into that physique and turned our lives in a time full of unawareness, deep hollows and horror. It is our fault. Is it our fault? We are responsible for the dramatic change of our lifestyle. Why are we punishing ourselves? There could be any human being who allows to fall down every second. Who would permit that imagined closeness to death?
We should enumerate all the feelings depression causes, yes we should. It forces us to be afraid to cry, to be angry, to feel lonely, to feel misunderstood, to feel stupid, to be insane, to be close to death, to feel disconnected from the rest of normal acting society, to be empty, to feel abused and raped, to regret everything, to not feel loved, to feel the bleakness, to have reached madness and to have lost pleasure – for anything. Preferences are not being generated.
You detected the absence of descriptions?
Ah yes, I agree, I vaguely remember this one emotion that is missing.
It is happiness.
We may write dozens of sides containing descriptive terms about depression, happiness is not a part of it. Happiness is being disgusted by depression, so happiness leaves despisingly the field of darkness and the taking of power. Happiness does not belong to depression.
Are you laughing now? Is it a well-known feature being excluded from the dark world of depression, does this let your cynicism smile condescendingly?
A female 